It has been so long since I've been able to write here. I had very nearly forgotten that I had a blog at all. I think the last post I made was almost two years ago. So much has happened, so much has changed. There are even some things that have stayed the same. I doubt anyone has stopped by here for quite some time, and probably won't for some time to come...
Ah, the reason for my departure.
John Lennon once said that life is what happens while you're making other plans, so I suppose life itself has kept me from writing. I am in the junior year of my college experience - plenty of good stories, but all in good time - and I only have one more year before I am officially a college graduate. I have been so busy with my studies, but I am learning so much. I feel as if I have grown tremendously, and some memories from the past that were once so clear have faded into obscurity. There are some things I think I will always remember, and some things, when I detect the shadow of their absence, I wish I had not forgotten. So many experiences in the last two years have lead me to question my self in ways I had hitherto never believed possible, and yet I know I have only scratched the surface.
My identity, who I thought I was, seems to be chipping away. During the busy day, when appointments dominate my mind and the whole of my mental energy is directed toward pushing myself further, harder, I almost become lost. But at night, in the stillness at the dark edge of sleep, I feel closer to my true self than ever before. I feel as though I am groping in the dark, so close to what I am searching for but helpless to find it. It is there, beyond the scope of my perception. A barely audible whisper amidst my churning, howling mind. The Vedas say that the True Self is present in deep, dreamless sleep, and that the waking world is an illusion.
When I wake up it is back to the world of appointments, juggling obligations and various relationships. But always in the back of my mind is that whisper.
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I would like to post some of my papers from school up here. There are a few I am particularly proud of, and maybe posting them will help me get back into the habit of updating on here. But again, the hindrance is a lack of time versus material. There may be some formatting issues but I will burn that bridge when I come to it.
